well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
