I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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