Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
