All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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