I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
