I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
