Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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