Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
