I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
