I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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