Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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