Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
