i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the day after is always just damage control
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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