I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
