found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
