Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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