If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
