you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
