I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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