not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
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