So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
