She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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