she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
