Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
