By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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