The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
