Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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