i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
