My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
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