I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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