i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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