he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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