whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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