This girl is more easily done than said...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
