I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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