Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
