'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
