dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
