babies were throwing up all over the place
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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