Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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