I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
