Ambien. No doubt about it.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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