I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This baby is an asshole
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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