I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Randomize
