so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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