he was CRYING into my vagina
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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