I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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