Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
