The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
