Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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