I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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